Dukkah?!

Happy memories, when I hear this phrase a flash of a child with colorful ice-cream playing with his parents who smile at each other all the time in a green wide garden with a dog playing frisby with him and the sun is shinning and a …..lablabla.
Wait a minute! This is not my happy memory, I squeezed my mind to search for one happy memory when I was really happy, I couldn’t find!
It is not that I had a miserable life, no… my childhood was great and my life is full of “suppose to be” happy memories… but I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t sad too but I just wasn’t satisfied enough.
Even those glorious moments of school and after school activities when you supposed to feel like a star, when you are famous and appreciated by your teachers and friends and yet …those were not exactly happy moments.
Laughing, talking and all shared activities with friends who I do really love, are still not enough for my “happiness”.
They say charity work makes you feel better about yourself and you feel HAPPY… well, even charity work doesn’t give me happy moments, I feel happy of course but not the ultimate pure happy moments.

feeling disappointment for no particular reason, Emptiness, shallowness is what ruin those moments for me...
I am not depressed as you may think, I am happy, jumping, running, laughing, going out…. but I am not living any happy moments.
That reminds me of the "Dukkah", –not the food of course!-, but what Buddha described it as the first noble truth out of four.

So ..... I will end your “Dukkah" and stop talking for now, in hope to really live those pure ultimate happy moments some day.