For them

Here I sit… hands on the keyboard are perfectly placed, radiohead to set the rhythm of my heartbeats, caffeine to set the mood right and to try to stop me from using the ”F” word that I usually feel like writing an “F” song for such moments.

generally, when I feel in such hollow anger and pain that goes beyond freaking my friends out, I do some painting, a childish healing procedure and then occasionally blog a bout it but … I just don’t feel that I wanna be bothered to think about what’s bothering me at the first place… not again. Plus, a friend of mine told me recently that this blog is like an angry Psycho’s blog. Well, let’s face it… it is.

I don’t wanna blog about the soreness, I want to blog about them
Those people who come from no where, sit with you for a minute, sensing you, looking into you… with all the noise out there, you just don’t pay much attention to them, you just smile at them, without even putting the effort to look like you mean it. They have this precious gift of cutting your soul open, exposing your heart to the sun, few words that leave you naked, dazed satisfied and secure.

And as they are leaving, you can’t help but to follow them with your eyes.
And the noise stops...

I’m writing today, not about the soreness, but

For them, for my long awaited aspiration of my chaos, for every one who’s diving in rainbows, for those who still bother to check this chaotic corner.

Nighty night :)

When he was in the military

There is one phrase that summarize how sick and twisted this world is… well at least, it is to me…

"When I was in the military, they gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one."

Leonard Matlovich – US army
(1943"1988)

To be

To be a total freak and happy about it, to do a silly dance in the middle of a class and let every one involved in it, to paint my nails in different (difficult to remove) colors and pursuit him to let me paint his. To shout joyfully or furiously whenever looking out of a new window, to cry hilariously in airports and do some group singing healing, to put an to-do list for 30 times (with colors and cool drawings), and then put them where they belong – trash of course-, to never be satisfied enough, to always try to make small stones doing small jumps on the lake and to always fail to, to pitch about life all the time, to feel a chronic pain whenever visiting a governmental institution yet to enjoy the view of an alive-dead Damascus from the roof of the city council, to paint my closet whenever I feel down.

to regret and to make spontaneous films with friends, to Sarooja, to Argeeleh, to miss charlotte’s coffee, to wear the silliest funkiest dress ever to a “fancy” restaurant, to come up with spontaneous trips, pack and go, to hate sleeping and then to hate waking up, to have my eyebrow up in an amazed position lots of times – I don’t know why, a childhood doohickey-, to always complete assignments perfectly on the last minute, to be able to smell months and...to fall again and again and again and stand up again and again…

To be me and to be alive and to realize both facts through weird freaky moments of staring at the mirror, it's weird how we sometimes forget about those two essential facts!

and after realizing I know that

An Insignificant thought about the historical era we live!

I’ll leave every one behind analyzing and fighting over Obama’s speech, and spend the day in Marmousa with a close friend who has nothing to do with politics. A guitar addict who cares the least about the world around him.

Anyhow, one thing that really annoys me inhere, it’s the fact that we all are so obsessed with the “historical” speech blabbing about how our fates depends on it; eyes are wide open, ears are wide open, brains intensively working with analyzing, twittering between friends, you can hear the keyboard tap-dancing and pencils scratching painfully on blank papers…

It’s weird if you thought about it for a minute; our future depends on every thing except on us. I’m not trying to underestimate the “role” of the international politics in our lives as Middle Easters eating, drinking, talking, fighting and breeding… but give it a thought….

Our country’s future depends on his (not our) speech and his plans (not ours) to communicate with those (not us) who are ruling (our) country in the most backward way possible, but it’s never depended on us. Nothing depends on us in any thing… God, what useless freaks we are!
And who are (us) anyway?!

So, as insignificant and self-centered as I am, I will be happily thinking about the magnificent article I’ve read today, pack my scrapbook and my camera… and hop to my self-centered heaven for the day.

Morning Stuff, Airport stuff

Peter’s flight was this morning, I hate saying goodbyes to dear friends in the mornings! Mornings are supposed to be nothing but cool shower, coffee, news, good chats and driving to work...

Anyhow, I was just leaving the Airport when this conversation took part between two real “Arabism cheerleaders” who were walking by:

The guy with a pink shirt: Have you heard about the French plane’s air crash?
The other guy with white hat: Oh yeah, it’s horrible!
The first guy: Were there any Arabs?
The other guy: No, as I know they weren’t any.
The first guy who sounded so relieved: Thank God!

At that point I was walking faster and faster away from those cheerleaders till I got to the car, in a state of disbelieving as... usual...

Good morning!