In Control

It just sounds meaningless, standing from the above observing, all those feelings of joy and despair. We all are made of dreams, fragile and yet extremely powerful. I am a God and so you are and so is everyone passing by, we are Gods trying to understand and trying desperately to be understood, to be heard and to just ... be in control.

Today I was standing on a high cliff, enjoying a spectacular view of the city, and just then and for a moment; I felt an urge to jump. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t wanna commit suicide, not in my future plans anyway, but this... this mixed feeling of fear and courage, fear of fatality yet the strong powerful urge to be in control of my own existence, of my being and the world around.

On my way back home, a man-taxi-driver wanted to pass my car, there was no way I’m gonna let him do it. He had no right to do that in a crowded narrow street while we both are equally driving on the same speed. He was furious, he shouted things about women and driving, I couldn’t hear him very well, my window was closed and Oasis were loud enough to stop the noise from the outside. That taxi driver was in need to control, to rule in his world which he thought he owned, a sick “male- domination” world, where he can controls easily for the merely privilege of having testosterone running with his blood.

Salma, a 30 years old girl diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy since she was 2 years old, she is a patient at the homecare, she’s lived there since then and with the lack of awareness, resources and care toward such cases, she was never educated or experienced the life out there, outside the homecare walls. She stays in that room with 4 other children and watches T.V all day long. Salma has learned more than anyone expected from her to learn. When someone stops by her bed, he must lower his voice because “Loloo” her daughter – a toy made of fabric” is sleeping next to her. She’s creating her own world where she’s in a total control. She is a gorgeous mother with the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen.

Somer, a 12 years old, Iraqi refugee child, never been in School since he fled Iraq 5 years ago, he collected 75 S.P to buy a red pen and a note book, he wants to write his diaries, wanting to be in control of the past as he is incapable of being in control his future.

Sarah, a friend of mine, since she bought her new camera, never spent an evening at home, she loves taking photos of her daily life routine, capturing the moment, controlling time.

We all have our own tiny ways of keeping in control, for things that mean to us. We all are Gods in so many different ways. We created religions, systems, dreams, fears and memories... and we keep building and keep destroying.

ملاحظة هامشية بلا أهمية

لما بتمشي بأي بلد, بأي شارع, بأي حارة بتلاحظ شي

كلما علت أصوات تلفزيوناتهن....انخفضت اصواتهن

ووين صواتهن

راحت صواتن