29 Dec 2007

And I can’t find it again

God, how did I reach this level?
I lost myself, I just did, and I don’t know how to gain it back
I lost myself…sticking around
I lost myself…not being strong enough to face the destruction of every thing in front of me…
I tried to save my believes but they are too heavy, too ideal, too damn unreal so I had to let them fall one after another…
This is just a fucked up life in a fucked up world

I lost me…

I am reaching out for me, and something stands in between… if I can only break that stupid wall, if I can regain myself piece by piece, then every thing will be ok.
Ahhh…I hate this blackness that comes and goes, maybe I have bipolar disease or something, maybe I am just too weak to get over this shit all, maybe I am stuck with this same shit till I die…
My friends have always told me that I keep their hopes high, I can support them but cant support myself, WHAT IS THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?!
No! I am not satisfied with any thing around me, every thing is a mess, every thing is lost in this big gray chaos
I cant fit in it any more…I cant even communicate well, I must isolate my self for a while… recollecting…

life is full of shit, I know … but if life is full of #*$@, and living in a country full of more #*$@, and in a society that is in more #*$@, and in a family that can be sometimes full of more #*$@, Then what do you become? full of #*$@.
But the problem is when you cant fit with this #*$@, and you are resisting being a piece of #*$@ like the rest of the whole world….what do you do?!

DAMN IT! DAMN!

I am really tired

5 comments:

Maysaloon said...

When life throws lemons at you, make lemonade.

Dubai Jazz said...

Try to change whatever is within your circle of influence. Anything else shouldn't bother you.
But you have to remember that even that can't be done if you are not content with yourself, if you don't love yourself.
If you deeply and profoundly love yourself, then assert that to yourself everyday and you will be fine!
I know this is easier said than done, but you've just got to keep trying.

saint said...

You’re left only with two ways out no third. Prozac or immigrating.

Dania said...

Thank you all for being so helpful…you know I was about to delete it one minute after submitting the post but it is just not like me to do such thing
as usual it was an exploding after the accumulation of every single bad thing you could imagine + I disappointed my self and no one was able to take it but my blog ;)
It’s hard to watch your dreams crashes against the wall one after another though, but I have NO choice but to get on my feet again and find away to get every thing where it belongs and start over without any zodiac ;) … the problem is I cant give up, and I cant let go…
Thnx again…

Anonymous said...

You can reach your goal even with tiny steps...
Solve your problem first,then turn to world's...
you know exactly what I'm speaking about...I do believe in you,but do you believe in yourself???