It's till last night when I realized this; it scared the hell out of me…
I don’t understand my self… I have always thought I do, I have always thought that I know myself very well, I was always able to predict myself, even others… but… when I realized it...
I fell…
Every piece of me is shattered into millions of pieces; I can't feel one structure of me, I lost the sensation of the ground beneath my feet, loosing the will to challenge or to fight, my reflection in the mirror is showing fuzzy pieces that were poorly manufactured.
This is the first time I feel unsure, hesitating, wavering, extremely weak and vulnerable, asking my self whys and not knowing the answeres…
I'm scared…
Who am I?
- Dania
- Damascus, Syria
- Lost and Found, every day and every secound... Thats all I know, if you know more then let me know so I know that some one knows, you know.
Morals in Belfast
West Belfast
I.Heart.Graffiti
Global Xchange
7 comments:
Its just a phase :)
Oh dear Dania,
I read your words and remember the "outcast" by Colin Wilson, you are a perfect "Outcast".
You should read 'Engleby' by Sebastian Faulks. The exact thing you describe happens to him (but your story will be different overall!)
did anyone say outcast?!
dania, I feel bad for you, hope you feel better soon... tell you a little secret: we all know too little about ourselves, just find someone who knows you better than you know yourself and see what happens.. I didn't like what I saw, but I know myself better now.
Strong
@Qabbani: the problem with this phase is it is a realization, but hope so anyway
@ anonymous 1: I've read "Outcast" 3 years ago, I think it might help if I did again, or maybe not!
@ aviation ombudsman: I have researched the book, it looks interesting, its on my list now, thnx
@ Anas: "The outcast blogger" , thnx for the advice, I should stop analyzing my reactions for now, I keep do this after the realization. I wish I can find some one who knows me better than I do, but the thing is I cant express the whole me, there are always hidden parts that even I don’t know about.
@anaonymous -2- : ….ly lost
Dania,
That's exactly my point, that person - when you encounter him/her - will see right through you, not analyze how you express yourself, but just realize the bits of you that too hard for you to see.
it's like asking someone to scratch that area in your back that you can't reach with your hand, it's that simple.
cheers,
Post a Comment