Let Loose

I am that close to losing the grip and falling apart.
I've been resisting it for a few weeks now, and I don't think that I have the power to keep resisting. Sometimes falling into that deep foggy hole that you've always been afraid of is the only rational thing to do to have yet another realization.
I'll have a deep breath and allow all the darkness, anxiety and uncertainty to flow inside my heart. Nothing in this world, nothing can hold that off...I have my comfort circle, my 3 bottles of basic colors, my books, my music and all my weirdness to keep me safe and sane.
I'll close the doors and open this little window. I'll take off the batteries of all the clocks and watches that were ever made.
I won’t allow anything or anyone to bring in the sensation of time, or even existence.I’ll welcome this sweet painful emptiness.

Can you smell it...? Can you feel it??