God, how did I reach this level?
I lost myself, I just did, and I don’t know how to gain it back
I lost myself…sticking around
I lost myself…not being strong enough to face the destruction of every thing in front of me…
I tried to save my believes but they are too heavy, too ideal, too damn unreal so I had to let them fall one after another…
This is just a fucked up life in a fucked up world
I lost me…
I am reaching out for me, and something stands in between… if I can only break that stupid wall, if I can regain myself piece by piece, then every thing will be ok.
Ahhh…I hate this blackness that comes and goes, maybe I have bipolar disease or something, maybe I am just too weak to get over this shit all, maybe I am stuck with this same shit till I die…
My friends have always told me that I keep their hopes high, I can support them but cant support myself, WHAT IS THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?!
No! I am not satisfied with any thing around me, every thing is a mess, every thing is lost in this big gray chaos
I cant fit in it any more…I cant even communicate well, I must isolate my self for a while… recollecting…
life is full of shit, I know … but if life is full of #*$@, and living in a country full of more #*$@, and in a society that is in more #*$@, and in a family that can be sometimes full of more #*$@, Then what do you become? full of #*$@.
But the problem is when you cant fit with this #*$@, and you are resisting being a piece of #*$@ like the rest of the whole world….what do you do?!
DAMN IT! DAMN!
I am really tired
29 Dec 2007
27 Dec 2007
addicted to radiohead
Is there any song or a piece of music that leaves you high, like you are on drugs or drunk??
Well… my drug when things get really fucked up is “Paranoid android” .. I am skyscraper over and over and over… and every thing is well and every thing is fine again.
Well… my drug when things get really fucked up is “Paranoid android” .. I am skyscraper over and over and over… and every thing is well and every thing is fine again.
25 Dec 2007
OSAMA
I still feel unwell and irritated since I watched this movie 2 days ago…
It is one of the most irritable, astonishing movies any one can ever see… a powerful strike to our humanity…
Osama 2003…
A true story that represents thousands of other stories that goes on the same tragic track.
Written and directed by Siddiq Barmak, the acting team were no professionals I agree…except for Marina Golbahari’s amazing performance as “Osama”
This movie is the first movie made in the post-Taliban Afghanistan
The initial opening was with this saying by N. Mandella
“we cannot forget but was can forgive”
In Afghanistan, under the Taliban’s overrule who considered being a woman as almost akin to sinning against God. As a result, women were not allowed to hold jobs, appear in public without male escorts…
A terrified 12 years old girl was forced to cut her hair and wear her dead father’s clothes and pretend to be a boy in order to work and prevent the starvation of her mother who lost her job at the local hospital and her grandmother
Her grandmother said “my hair grew white and I haven’t seen a different between men and women , they both work equally hard and they are equally unfortunate.. a shaved man under a burka looks like a woman.. a woman with short hair, a hat and trousers looks like a man…. I will cut her hair …bring her father’s clothes”
Now called “Osama” She pays lots of efforts trying to hide her true identity in a constant fear of the barbaric Taliban, and as all other boys forced to go to Taliban’s boys school for religious teaching and military training… where the terror continues
when I finished it all I could hear was the cracking of the jumping rope
This movie can shake you hard, you can’t help it but to scream “NO” out loud, it can defeat your strength for a couple of days… BUT yet… it is a must see movie
It is one of the most irritable, astonishing movies any one can ever see… a powerful strike to our humanity…
Osama 2003…
A true story that represents thousands of other stories that goes on the same tragic track.
Written and directed by Siddiq Barmak, the acting team were no professionals I agree…except for Marina Golbahari’s amazing performance as “Osama”
This movie is the first movie made in the post-Taliban Afghanistan
The initial opening was with this saying by N. Mandella
“we cannot forget but was can forgive”
In Afghanistan, under the Taliban’s overrule who considered being a woman as almost akin to sinning against God. As a result, women were not allowed to hold jobs, appear in public without male escorts…
A terrified 12 years old girl was forced to cut her hair and wear her dead father’s clothes and pretend to be a boy in order to work and prevent the starvation of her mother who lost her job at the local hospital and her grandmother
Her grandmother said “my hair grew white and I haven’t seen a different between men and women , they both work equally hard and they are equally unfortunate.. a shaved man under a burka looks like a woman.. a woman with short hair, a hat and trousers looks like a man…. I will cut her hair …bring her father’s clothes”
Now called “Osama” She pays lots of efforts trying to hide her true identity in a constant fear of the barbaric Taliban, and as all other boys forced to go to Taliban’s boys school for religious teaching and military training… where the terror continues
when I finished it all I could hear was the cracking of the jumping rope
This movie can shake you hard, you can’t help it but to scream “NO” out loud, it can defeat your strength for a couple of days… BUT yet… it is a must see movie
22 Dec 2007
Humans…Settlement…Boundaries…Fundamental Hallucinations
The idea of settling down freaks me out…
It does not make sense for some one to live and work and die between limited places.
This is like missing a whole life and living in a small box where all your interests, knowledge gets that small.
isolated…
How do people really plan to settle down for their future?! For me that sounds insane, the idea of boundaries is still not understood for me, I mean those boundaries and borders are first created by people like kings, empires or religious people who wanted to enrich their power by framing a place to be controlled…
Why do I have to live MY life according to those freaks ?!
It is really weird how the place you are born in determines a lot about you, like your religion, your future, your language, your thoughts, your views, your laws, your limits….
Humans are not meant to be limited that way, those boundaries hold the humanity back…
Maybe those borders help in applying the law but it can also be used in captivating freedoms and free will…
We humans need to be controlled… think about it, it is weird… it is shame…
That reminds me of John Lennon’s “imagine” …
Yeah.. it is easy if we try if we were more humane… that is all what we need to be.
and Yeah! I know… freaky romanticism… I am usually far from being that “romantic” but 2 panadol extra pills can bring it on ;)
It does not make sense for some one to live and work and die between limited places.
This is like missing a whole life and living in a small box where all your interests, knowledge gets that small.
isolated…
How do people really plan to settle down for their future?! For me that sounds insane, the idea of boundaries is still not understood for me, I mean those boundaries and borders are first created by people like kings, empires or religious people who wanted to enrich their power by framing a place to be controlled…
Why do I have to live MY life according to those freaks ?!
It is really weird how the place you are born in determines a lot about you, like your religion, your future, your language, your thoughts, your views, your laws, your limits….
Humans are not meant to be limited that way, those boundaries hold the humanity back…
Maybe those borders help in applying the law but it can also be used in captivating freedoms and free will…
We humans need to be controlled… think about it, it is weird… it is shame…
That reminds me of John Lennon’s “imagine” …
Yeah.. it is easy if we try if we were more humane… that is all what we need to be.
and Yeah! I know… freaky romanticism… I am usually far from being that “romantic” but 2 panadol extra pills can bring it on ;)
20 Dec 2007
In The Defense of Dreams
They say, dreamers are weak, dreamers are losers, dreaming can keep you away from living reality, well I say that dreaming is a way to chang reality.
You always run into phrases like “stop dreaming and lablabal”, “day dreaming is helpless way to escape reality”…etc
They have always tried to teach us that dreaming is an act of helplessness and wasting time…
Well…NO!
Dreaming is the elixir of hope, it reframes the way you see things in a encouraging way, it is the glitter to my life, it is the reason I still allow my heart to pump, it is the thing I live for, to make my dreams come true… in every thing, in every aspect of life, the dream of justice, the dream of freedom, the dream of humanity, the dream of my own future……
If we stop dreaming, hopes will became just hallucinations and we learn nothing but how to wish and how to pray.
Those who don’t dream know nothing about hope, know nothing about what I am talking about.
so yeah… I AM a dreamer and I’m proud of it.
You always run into phrases like “stop dreaming and lablabal”, “day dreaming is helpless way to escape reality”…etc
They have always tried to teach us that dreaming is an act of helplessness and wasting time…
Well…NO!
Dreaming is the elixir of hope, it reframes the way you see things in a encouraging way, it is the glitter to my life, it is the reason I still allow my heart to pump, it is the thing I live for, to make my dreams come true… in every thing, in every aspect of life, the dream of justice, the dream of freedom, the dream of humanity, the dream of my own future……
If we stop dreaming, hopes will became just hallucinations and we learn nothing but how to wish and how to pray.
Those who don’t dream know nothing about hope, know nothing about what I am talking about.
so yeah… I AM a dreamer and I’m proud of it.
18 Dec 2007
14 Dec 2007
Stop making children idiots… This is a twisted world!!!
Today it was like the national pregnant women’s day…I saw over 10 of them by chance!!!
I mean what is wrong with these women and their men??
This is a Twisted ..... Twisted .... Twisted.... Twisted world
A life is to create, to make , to build, to generate, to produce, to breath, to think… what a kind of life do they expect your new-born babies to have? A hellhole where they only have to try to climb up and when they reach the surface if they were lucky enough to …… they die.
What is the point of a new burden, new tragedy, new complexes, new dreams which are meant to be killed slowly and painfully, new believes to be doubts and denied, new lies to be believed, new forms to be filled…
You want to feel like a mother? You want to feel like a father? You want to feel like something depends on you to grow up? Some one who “looks up” to you? Some one to teach manners to? Some one to put your complexes in??
Ok then… go adapt an orphan kid, why don’t you end a suffer instate of creating one??!!!!
There are hands that are reaching up for you…
There are a lot more needy deprived creatures (you find them in the wide spreading orphanage every where) who need care, education, food and attention, who need to be told that they are humans and life is not always so cruel, whose cold tiny hands are in need to be warmed by yours, who need a father and a mother… who need YOU…!
Tayb, you don’t want to adopt a human la2nno some one, somewhere, some how, some time…..said “haram”!!!!!!!!
Lak adopt a kitten …a puppet… a rabbit …a hamster…a frog…, damn it , adapt a liberalism revolution, adopt a right or left party.. or more likely as Arabs adopt maw2ef (attitudes),there are a lot! But for God sake don’t create a new misery yet to be born, don’t become such a selfish cruel stupid ass!!!!
Think people…think…walla el 3a2el zeineh!!!
I mean what is wrong with these women and their men??
This is a Twisted ..... Twisted .... Twisted.... Twisted world
A life is to create, to make , to build, to generate, to produce, to breath, to think… what a kind of life do they expect your new-born babies to have? A hellhole where they only have to try to climb up and when they reach the surface if they were lucky enough to …… they die.
What is the point of a new burden, new tragedy, new complexes, new dreams which are meant to be killed slowly and painfully, new believes to be doubts and denied, new lies to be believed, new forms to be filled…
You want to feel like a mother? You want to feel like a father? You want to feel like something depends on you to grow up? Some one who “looks up” to you? Some one to teach manners to? Some one to put your complexes in??
Ok then… go adapt an orphan kid, why don’t you end a suffer instate of creating one??!!!!
There are hands that are reaching up for you…
There are a lot more needy deprived creatures (you find them in the wide spreading orphanage every where) who need care, education, food and attention, who need to be told that they are humans and life is not always so cruel, whose cold tiny hands are in need to be warmed by yours, who need a father and a mother… who need YOU…!
Tayb, you don’t want to adopt a human la2nno some one, somewhere, some how, some time…..said “haram”!!!!!!!!
Lak adopt a kitten …a puppet… a rabbit …a hamster…a frog…, damn it , adapt a liberalism revolution, adopt a right or left party.. or more likely as Arabs adopt maw2ef (attitudes),there are a lot! But for God sake don’t create a new misery yet to be born, don’t become such a selfish cruel stupid ass!!!!
Think people…think…walla el 3a2el zeineh!!!
12 Dec 2007
New assassination...Morning Lebanon!
Morning!
You wake up, and if you do care a least about your mental and emotional stability you DO NOT READ OR WATCH NEWS, just get your coffee and head off!
The assassination of such an important figure in the Lebanese army gives a clear strong message from those who comitted that crime and all assassinations before… we will not allow you to reach stability, we will not allow you to reach adjustment, I don’t want to analyze or point fingers, I am sick of it …
It is up to people to kick off all their sects leaders, no one is trust worthy to be entrusted with Lebanon, they are not there for Lebanon but …Lebanese are , not sects, not allieds!!!
You wake up, and if you do care a least about your mental and emotional stability you DO NOT READ OR WATCH NEWS, just get your coffee and head off!
The assassination of such an important figure in the Lebanese army gives a clear strong message from those who comitted that crime and all assassinations before… we will not allow you to reach stability, we will not allow you to reach adjustment, I don’t want to analyze or point fingers, I am sick of it …
It is up to people to kick off all their sects leaders, no one is trust worthy to be entrusted with Lebanon, they are not there for Lebanon but …Lebanese are , not sects, not allieds!!!
9 Dec 2007
Andy McKee
Enjoy this great musical piece
Rylynn - Acoustic Guitar by Andy Mckee, one of the most talented guitarists I have ever seen…
to all guitarists here... don’t drop hope, at least we can watch! ;)
enjoy...
and special thanks to Anas, my Syrian favorite guitarist ;)
Rylynn - Acoustic Guitar by Andy Mckee, one of the most talented guitarists I have ever seen…
to all guitarists here... don’t drop hope, at least we can watch! ;)
enjoy...
and special thanks to Anas, my Syrian favorite guitarist ;)
8 Dec 2007
Reprogrammed on hope
When did I lost hope? I haven’t been such an pessimistic in my entire life like I do feel a while ago, is it a Syrian habit that you gain through years? Dunno
I realized… giving up on hope is killing every single potential of a change, a positive change, and I really don’t want to live in such a world
So I decided to hope again…
I got dressed, put on my mp3 and headed down the streets.
I walked through all that long streets, thinking how beautiful this rainy weather is and how naive are those people with umbrellas. I mean… what are they frightened of? Ruin their stylish hair? Their expensive suits or dresses?!.. I feel pity for them… they just don’t know how to enjoy the weather and celebrate the lushly sensation of a rain drop on the warm cheek or lip. apparently they never tasted the rain before…the zest of winter.
I kept walking trying to reprogram my brain to be more positive, it was resisting each time I see a miserable seen, and we have a lot…a lot.
But I kept reminding myself of a book I have read recently by Jan Paul when he said :“only weak people are those who got affected negatively by an annoying seen or sound ..etc”
Yes, I am really sensitive to these annoying sensations around me… I gotta strengthen my self, so I will keep cheering myself by bringing some cheerful stuff that are stored someplace in this brain above.
and instead of feeling disgusted and angry for the seen of an empty bottle on the street, why not to take a napkin and pick it up, put it in the trash?
And that apply for every thing… for the big things… big changes.
I will keep positive, I am sick of the hopeless state, and the hope will not just been thrown at me from heaven… I have to find it , or even create it.
It is a matter of perception, it is a matter of decision
And oh yeah! Today I went to the B-flat rock concert, even though my friends were late on me, and one of them was in really crabby mood :( but I didn’t let that bother me – a matter of decision-
And the band….Oh they rocked, they really did, It was refreshing…!
Cheers every one.
I realized… giving up on hope is killing every single potential of a change, a positive change, and I really don’t want to live in such a world
So I decided to hope again…
I got dressed, put on my mp3 and headed down the streets.
I walked through all that long streets, thinking how beautiful this rainy weather is and how naive are those people with umbrellas. I mean… what are they frightened of? Ruin their stylish hair? Their expensive suits or dresses?!.. I feel pity for them… they just don’t know how to enjoy the weather and celebrate the lushly sensation of a rain drop on the warm cheek or lip. apparently they never tasted the rain before…the zest of winter.
I kept walking trying to reprogram my brain to be more positive, it was resisting each time I see a miserable seen, and we have a lot…a lot.
But I kept reminding myself of a book I have read recently by Jan Paul when he said :“only weak people are those who got affected negatively by an annoying seen or sound ..etc”
Yes, I am really sensitive to these annoying sensations around me… I gotta strengthen my self, so I will keep cheering myself by bringing some cheerful stuff that are stored someplace in this brain above.
and instead of feeling disgusted and angry for the seen of an empty bottle on the street, why not to take a napkin and pick it up, put it in the trash?
And that apply for every thing… for the big things… big changes.
I will keep positive, I am sick of the hopeless state, and the hope will not just been thrown at me from heaven… I have to find it , or even create it.
It is a matter of perception, it is a matter of decision
And oh yeah! Today I went to the B-flat rock concert, even though my friends were late on me, and one of them was in really crabby mood :( but I didn’t let that bother me – a matter of decision-
And the band….Oh they rocked, they really did, It was refreshing…!
Cheers every one.
4 Dec 2007
An “I will betray my country” break down
This is almost the fifth time I read this book “I will betray my country” and yet I don’t get enough.
It is bathetic I know… I am searching for the light, God let there be light!!!
I am sick of dreaming, or pretending that every thing will be alright…
When I finished it this time, all the pain gathered inside
I crouched in pain… and I cried and cried… felt helpless, felt useless, felt black, felt numb, felt hate, felt disgusted, felt suicidal, felt weak, felt death, heart broken, felt pain…so much pain…felt anything thing but a hope.. a light.
I hate the helplessness in us all.
I need a home, I need a place to belong to.
I need a country that loves me back…
It is bathetic I know… I am searching for the light, God let there be light!!!
I am sick of dreaming, or pretending that every thing will be alright…
When I finished it this time, all the pain gathered inside
I crouched in pain… and I cried and cried… felt helpless, felt useless, felt black, felt numb, felt hate, felt disgusted, felt suicidal, felt weak, felt death, heart broken, felt pain…so much pain…felt anything thing but a hope.. a light.
I hate the helplessness in us all.
I need a home, I need a place to belong to.
I need a country that loves me back…
3 Dec 2007
Chávez punched Bush in the eye, but no longer a hero!
Crimes are down, employment ratio is up, positive GDP growth that Venezuela didn’t witness in more than 20 years, he is trusted by his people, didn’t abuse the power given to him –as I know-…
Not to mention the launching of “Bolivarian Mission”
that he applied by making more than 40,000 Venezuelan soldiers involved in door-to-door anti-poverty activities, including mass vaccinations, food distribution in slum areas, and education. The program also transported thousands of poor and ill Venezuelans at cost by military cargo planes and helicopters, as a means of alleviating their domestic travel expenses.
He made his economy undefended by withdrawing from the World Bank, giving a look at the oil recourses Venezuela has… this is the best decision he made as far as I know.
Not to mention that now Venezuela has ownership of more than 6% of U.S. refinery capacity (by Citgo) that gives Chávez the power over American economy…
If Chávez, who periodically threatens to curtail oil shipments to the USA, closed Citgo's refineries, the US economy will be down within 90 days, and that is what a
prominent energy investment banker said .
But I guess his ego is getting out of control when he asked his people to vote for reelection using the silliest card that we as Arabs are used to…
“When you vote yes for Chávez, you vote NO for Bush and vice versa”
Well, the right phrase will be chavez for life! Cause as much as he keeps winning the elections he can rule as a president for decades …So much for democracy…!
Is democracy offended by this, yes it is… for a presedent to have that much power over his people for long time, having control over local media and call all opponents as agents to US, that pretty much describes a non-democratic or lets say dictatoric state.
Don’t agree? Than how about shutting down Venezuela's most-viewed television station -ringing any bells?- ;)
Not to mention that saying yes would also give him control over the central bank!! And that will give him even more power over his people that may be used against them…
Saying yes will only mean to turn Chávez into a dictator.
And a huge disappointment… not that I didn’t see that coming, but reality gives you a hard shake sometimes... doesn't it?
Not to mention the launching of “Bolivarian Mission”
that he applied by making more than 40,000 Venezuelan soldiers involved in door-to-door anti-poverty activities, including mass vaccinations, food distribution in slum areas, and education. The program also transported thousands of poor and ill Venezuelans at cost by military cargo planes and helicopters, as a means of alleviating their domestic travel expenses.
He made his economy undefended by withdrawing from the World Bank, giving a look at the oil recourses Venezuela has… this is the best decision he made as far as I know.
Not to mention that now Venezuela has ownership of more than 6% of U.S. refinery capacity (by Citgo) that gives Chávez the power over American economy…
If Chávez, who periodically threatens to curtail oil shipments to the USA, closed Citgo's refineries, the US economy will be down within 90 days, and that is what a
prominent energy investment banker said .
But I guess his ego is getting out of control when he asked his people to vote for reelection using the silliest card that we as Arabs are used to…
“When you vote yes for Chávez, you vote NO for Bush and vice versa”
Well, the right phrase will be chavez for life! Cause as much as he keeps winning the elections he can rule as a president for decades …So much for democracy…!
Is democracy offended by this, yes it is… for a presedent to have that much power over his people for long time, having control over local media and call all opponents as agents to US, that pretty much describes a non-democratic or lets say dictatoric state.
Don’t agree? Than how about shutting down Venezuela's most-viewed television station -ringing any bells?- ;)
Not to mention that saying yes would also give him control over the central bank!! And that will give him even more power over his people that may be used against them…
Saying yes will only mean to turn Chávez into a dictator.
And a huge disappointment… not that I didn’t see that coming, but reality gives you a hard shake sometimes... doesn't it?
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